


Why Do You Do It?

by Canadia69



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Hale Fire, Angst, Depression, Dirty Talk, Doctor/Patient, Eventual Happy Ending, M/M, Sad Stiles, Stiles doesn't act on it tho, Stiles doesn't know, Suicidal Thoughts, Therapist Derek, WIP, Werewolf Derek, if i need more tags ill add them, kinda slow build but not really, sterek
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-22
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-01-13 07:37:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1217923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Canadia69/pseuds/Canadia69
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles doesn't think it's that bad.<br/>He doesn't think he would ever actually do it.<br/>They're just thoughts.<br/>They just kind of pop into his head sometimes.<br/>When he's trying to fall asleep, he thinks of all the ways he could do it.<br/>What he would wear.<br/>Who would find him.<br/>Would he leave a note?<br/>What would he write.<br/>Would anyone really even care?<br/>But it's not like he would ever actually do anything.<br/>They're just thoughts.<br/>Aren't they?</p><p>---<br/>Stiles goes to therapy and his doctor is the gorgeous Dr. Hale<br/>Its totally a weird story but its cute and it will have a happy ending i promise</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So Stiles is 21 in this story and Derek is 29  
> the only triggery thing in this story is that Stiles has suicidal thoughts and I discuss them.

_Stiles doesn't think it's that bad._

_He doesn't think he would ever actually do it._

_They're just thoughts._

_They just kind of pop into his head sometimes._

_When he's trying to fall asleep, he thinks of all the ways he could do it._

_What he would wear._

_Who would find him._

_Would he leave a note?_

_What would he write._

_Would anyone really even care?_

_But it's not like he would ever actually do anything._

_They're just thoughts._

_Aren't they?_

 

"Mr. Stilinski?" The blonde at the reception desk gives him a strange look, but at his nod tells him, "take a seat, he'll see you in a moment."

"Thanks" Stiles avoids her eyes. He doesn't know why but, he feels like everyone in the office knows why he's here. They know and they judge him for it. He's probably just being paranoid. It's _one_ of his issues after all.

Stiles didn't have to wait very long before the door opened. A small gangly man came out, head down, and shuffled to the exit.

A patient. Obviously.

"Mr..." Stiles looked up to see a man in the doorway starring a piece of paper. The man, not much taller than himself, but definitely bigger. More rugged. Extremely handsome. Though if it weren't for the suit Stiles would think the guy a murderer. Or at least murderous. Especially the eyebrows.

"Stiles. Please just call me Stiles." The guy was obviously struggling with the name. He had to give him credit for even trying. Most people just opt for the last name instead.

The man looked up and gave a small smile. It was fake. Stiles was good at reading people and that smile. Fake. He already regretting this decision.

"Alright. Stiles, you can come in now." The man waited by the open door, obviously he though Stiles might run away if he turned his back. _'No. The man was a doctor he would't think that. Stop it Stiles. He's just being polite.'_

Stiles nodded as he made his way through the door, brushing only slightly against the man as he passed. The minute Stiles entered the room the door was shut firmly behind him. Making Stiles jump. He really needed to quit being so skittish.  _Another issue._

"Stiles, have a seat. Feel free to make yourself at home." The man waved his hand around the room to make his point. Stiles just sat down on the couch. Hunching in on himself while twiddling his thumbs. He really regrets coming here.

The Doctor sat down in the chair across from him, crossing his one leg over the other in that stereotypical way people like him do. Folding his hands in his lap and just sat there. Waiting for Stiles to get a little more comfortable before starting. Sadly that wouldn't be happening. So after a good few minutes the doctor started.

"So, Stiles. Why are you here today?" Stiles didn't look up. Just continued to stare blankly at his hands. But he had a whole hour in this room, there was no way he wouldn't talk eventually, might as well start.

"Well..uh, my dad thought I should..talk to someone." Stiles didn't mean to sound ungrateful but, he just thought this was completely unnecessary.

"But you don't think you do?" Stiles scoffed,  _  
_

"It's not that..per se, It always good to talk to someone. I just think talking to a _therapist._ Is unnecessary." Stiles looked up at that, even if just to gage the doctors reaction.

"Why do you think that?" The mans face never changed. Staying neutral the entirety of the time.

"Because I feel like it makes the problem seem worse than it is." Stiles went back to staring at his hands. Hes not good with strangers. He's awkward and shy. And when he's really nervous he'll just ramble. He can't even ramble here without making this guy think he's insane, and this guy as the power to have him locked up. And he _definitely_ doesn't need that.

"And how bad is the problem?"

"It not. Not really..I just..think about _stuff_ sometimes." Stiles brought up his hand to scratch at his neck. A nervous habit of his, and not one he can control either. Whether it be his neck, arms, hands, whatever, it goes all red from irritation and sometimes til he bleeds. And not in the way that people might think, he just doesn't notice when he does it, and its not like it hurts either.

"Do you do that alot? The scratching?" Stiles brought his hand down quickly. A blush spreading along his cheeks.

"I guess? I don't notice when I start, I've been told it's a nervous habit. Kind of a bad one, sometimes i scratch so hard I start bleeding and people think I..well...but it's not and I don't do it on purpose! I just kind of.." Stiles started to play with his hands again. 

"You're not the only one with nervous habits Stiles. It's alright. Tell me about this 'stuff' you think about sometimes." The mans voice betrayed his neutral face. Stiles heard pity. Stiles  _hated_ pity. He sat up straighter. folding his hands so as to leave them alone and looked the man in the eyes as he spoke.

"I think about offing myself. Alot." He said it casually out of irritation.

The eyebrows. That was the only sign of  _anything_ from the Doctor. His eyebrows. They did this thing, it was more than just raising an eyebrow. It was just a slight twitch. Almost as if the words shocked him. But he was a therapist. He probably hears that type of thing all the time. But Stiles change in demeanor was definitely noticed.

"Do you know why you think about that?" Stiles had to give this guy credit. Nothing fazed him. Except the eyebrow thing. Stiles is decided to file that away and think about what he did to make him do that.

"because I.." Stiles face fell. The usual response is 'because I want to die.' but that's not quite true in this case.

Damn.

This guy was good. 

Stiles had never really though about why. Just the how's and where's. Looks like Stiles needed this session after all.

"Stiles?" The Doctor broke him from his thoughts, he met his eyes again, this time looking lost.

"I don't know.." Stiles spoke just above a whisper. The Doctor heard him anyway.

"Then that's where we'll start." At Stiles nod he continued. "When did you first start having these types of thoughts?"

Stiles took a moment thinking about it. He wasn't actually sure. They just kind of..happened. So Stiles said as much,

"To be honest i'm not completely sure..elementary school for sure, I was bullied, I mean look at me of course I was," Stiles whispered that bit to himself, but he did the eyebrow thing again, so he must have heard him, he continued anyway, "and well, you know how that goes, so obviously I was sad alot but like, one day I just kind of, i don't know..left, I just walked home. My parents were working so the house was locked and I just sat on the porch until they came home..so I guess then..I think I was in grade 4 or 5, I don't really remember.."

"Why do you think your appearance is why you were bullied?" Stiles gave him a confused sort of look, 

"Is that all you got out of that? I mean look at me, I'm gangly and awkward. Back then I was the odd one out you know, I spoke too much, had too many _different_ opinions." Stiles said different with air quotes to emphasize his point, "I was the only one to wear glasses. That was the biggest one. I had my first pair for like 4 hours before someone called me four eyes and I threw them on the ground and stomped on them. My mother was not to pleased with that. When I could finally get contacts I did. I only wear my glasses at home. So nothing really has changed, I guess you'd call me anti-social, but I just really don't like people, which I guess is the same thing but whatever." Stiles took a minute to breath when he realised he had started to ramble. Something he thought he wasn't going to do.

"What I'm saying is. Kids are cruel. And I was the odd one out, of course I was bullied."

"But you have friends, yes?" Stiles really wasn't understanding his questioning.

"A few I guess"

"Why do you guess?"

"I'm don't trust people..for obvious reasons. I don't trust my family or friends, I always think they're lying to me, or they talk about me behind my back. Things like that."

"You say obvious reasons.." Stiles was getting irritated with this  _man of few words_ thing.

"I  _mean_ obvious reasons. When you go through life having people who lie to you, pretend they're your friends but talk shit about you, people who can throw you away like you're nothing, people who you later find out that were friends with you cause they lost a bet or something. That fucks with you. I can't even date people without thinking they have hidden intentions."

"How is your love life?" 

"Were you not listening to me?"

"I was, you said you can't date without thinking the worst, but that doesn't mean your  _not_ dating."

"Non-exsistant. I've been asked out a few times but, I either chicken out, or they cancel one too many times, or they just want sex. And its not like I go out clubbing or to bars all the time, or even at all really, so my choices are also basically non-exsistant."

"Are you having sex?"

"Well I'm not dating people, and i'm not one for casual sex, so no." Stiles just about done. What did this have to do with anything?!

"Have you ever?"

"Is that even an appropriate question?" Stiles stood up, hands flying to the sides as he spoke, as if to emphasize his annoyance, "No. Never. Nothing."

"Stiles. If you don't want to answer me you don't have to. You came to me. I'm just trying to help you."

Stiles paled. Slowly sitting back on the couch. Why was he getting so mad. He was right, he doesn't have to answer him. He doesn't have to do anything, he could leave right now if he wanted. But he came to him. The guy was just doing his job. His _job_...

"Why do you do it?" Now, Stiles wouldn't say that the face the doctor had in that moment was hilarious..but it was fucking hilarious.

"Why do I do what Stiles?" He cocked his head to the side, face scrunched in confusion as if that was the strangest question he had ever heard.

"Why do you do this? Being a therapist." The look didn't stay for long, the doctor collecting his features.

"We aren't here to talk about me Stiles." Stiles would deny the pout that appeared on hiss face at that.

"So? You're right. I came to you, but I know nothing about you. Shouldn't I know a little about the person I'm telling all of my life woes too?"

He thought for a minute before answering, "I guess if it'll help you open up, I like to help people understand themselves," Stiles gave him a look like he thought that was bullshit. Causing the doctor to do the eyebrow thing once again. Holding eye contact, waiting for the other to break. Surprisingly Stiles won.

"ok, the money is a huge factor as well. This  _thing_ , me being a therapist, being able to understand people, when they don't know themselves, its something i've always been able to do. Its something I'm good at, and it pays well. Why wouldn't I do it?"

"Because you don't seem to like it" His eyes widened.

"What makes you say that?" He had to cough to fix the irregularity in his voice.

"You don't actually seem all that interested in what I say, you're not listening. You're hearing words and asking the textbook questions, but you're not listening to what I'm saying."

"Stiles, I don't think you understand how this works," he said cocking his head once again, "I'm suppose to help you understand yourself, maybe help you with any problems. I'm not suppose to be  _interested_ that's how biased opinions are formed."

"Your smile to me when I walked in." Stiles turned to face the door, as if it held the answer.

"What about it?"

"It was fake." He was about to open his mouth to protest when Stiles spoke first, "If you had been listening, i've been surrounded by people like you my whole life. People who love me secretly but hate me publicly, people who will smile to my face but scorn me behind my back. Please," Stiles held up his hand to stop the doctor from saying anything, "I know what fake happiness looks like." 

"Then I apologize, It's been a long day, but smiling is to show friendliness,"

"Its not that i'm angry or hurt or anything. I don't even know you, we're not friends, its your job I get that. But its hard to talk to someone when you don't know whether how you're being perceived." The laugh the Doctor gave made Stiles jump, not so much out of fright but surprise.

"Maybe you should be my shrink." Stiles laughed at that. "Here's what we'll do, you should feel very honoured about what I'm about to do. I don't do this. Ever."

Stiles nodded.

"If you are still interested in my help, we will do separate sessions. Meaning not held in my office. It will be held in my home, if you are comfortable with that, my house is where I stop being a shrink, no fake smiles. Just me and my honest opinions. I don't want to be referred to as Dr. Hale either, my name is Derek." The Doc-Derek held out his hand to Stiles, smile spreading along his features. A real smile. Stiles returned it, and reached for his hand. "You are a very interesting person Stiles. I would be very _interested_ in helping you with anything I can."

This time Stiles laughed.

His first real laugh in a long time.

And he definitely didn't regret that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I feel like I should explain  
> First.  
> I have never been to therapy.I don't actually know how a conversation with a therapist would work.  
> Second.  
> I feel like I should explain that these are 95% my thoughts and feelings, please don't criticize them.  
> Everything Stiles thinks is how I feel. Some things have been changed to fit the character.  
> The reason being, is this, writing, is like therapy to me and it helps me deal.  
> So if you feel like things or events are aren't realistic or whatever. Just remember they are and happened to me.  
> I appreciate constructive criticism, just don't be mean please.  
> It's kind of a big step for me to put my feelings out there. Especially to strangers, which is literally why I've never been to a therapist..  
> So yea, comment, kudo, let me know what you think :3


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys my internet has been on and off for a while, every time I got a chance to write it would be out.  
> But it's working now so :3
> 
> IMPORTANT  
> this chapter contains discussing eating disorders, (sort of?) unintentional self-harm,   
> and i think thats it, sorry if i forgot anything.

Stiles' next appointment was on a Sunday morning, it's not that that was normally a strange time but it was probably because it was Dereks only day off.  Which Stiles really is honoured. The man works all week til late in the day, for him to offer his services on his only day off was very...courteous.  His appointment was for ten, not exactly early for other people but Stiles had to practically drag himself out of bed.  

As he made his was up the steps he started to feel nervous, it was stupid really, he was just going to see his therapist.  A guy he was _paying_ to listen to him about his problems. He wasn't sure what about it was making him nervous, maybe it was just the atmosphere of being in the man's home rather than his office.

He had made it to the door, and was standing awkwardly, shuffling his feet around, he raised his hand to knock before turning his head and bringing his hand back down, turning his body to leave only taking a few steps before turning back around to repeat the process. He did this another three times before the door swung open. 

Standing there in a pair of tight fitting jeans, a white muscle shirt also as equally tight, looking like he had been up for hours, was Derek.

"How many times were you going to do that?"

Stiles had to snap his mouth, which was hanging open, shut.

"uh, wha? Doing what?"  _Being that attractive in the morning has to be illegal._

"The pacing."

"The..pacing?" Derek raised an eyebrow at him.

"You hesitated knocking four times and went to walk away. Where you going to actually knock?" Stiles eyes went wide.

"You  _saw_ that?!" Derek gave a small smirk.

"Yes. I have a camera," He pointed up to just above the door, it wasn't as noticeable as one would think but it was definitely there,"I told you, paranoia is a common thing."

"So..you were just  _watching_ me..kinda creepy dude."  Dereks lips pulled into a small smirk.

"More like observing. I wanted to see how many times before you either knocked or left, but I got impatient."

"uh huh.." Derek swung the door all the way open before gesturing inside with his hand.

"Well?"

"..Thanks" Stiles took a breath before stepping inside. Noticing as he did, that Derek shifted his eyes as if to check down the hall, like people who think they're being followed do.  _Weird._

"So..how do we do this? Since you're basically being a regular judgemental person while listening to me."

"Well I would never be mean about it, but you'll talk and i'll give you my honest opinion about it, no _textbook questions_ as you put it, that's it. So, this way is my living room," Derek pointed to a room with a couch, an arm chair and a tv in front of it. Boring really. "Or we can talk in my kitchen, it's really up to you. I don't care." The words 'I don't care' got Stiles attention. Not something you would ever hear from a therapist.

"Uh, living room I guess," Stiles stood awkwardly pointing towards the room. Derek nodded and instead headed towards the kitchen. Stiles was confused until Derek called out to him.

"You want something to drink? Water? Beer?"

"oh, uh, no I'm okay. Thanks though."

Stiles walked into the living room, taking in how clean it was, which he thought was a little strange for a guy who lived alone, but to each their own.  He sat on the far end of the couch and started fidgeting while waiting for Derek. 

When Derek walked into the room, he placed a glass of water in front of Stiles, who gave him a look, "You're awkward in someone else's home, of course you want water."

"I thought you weren't going to be a therapist today?"

"I'm not, I bring water to everyone that says no. If you really don't want it don't drink it, but it's there if you do."

"Oh, that's..smart.." Stiles voice was small, admiring almost. 

"You're doing it again."

"What?"

"The scratching. You'll start bleeding soon if you don't stop." Stiles hand flinched away from his arm. 

"Sorry, thanks."

"You should work on that too." 

"Yea, I know but it's hard when I don't even notice i'm-"

"Not the scratching, I meant being unsure of yourself. You apologize for things that don't need and apology. Same with your opinion. When you picked the living room you said 'I guess'"

"You're-"

"And before you saying I'm shrinking you. I'm not. I'm like this naturally, like I told you before its the whole reason I became a therapist in the first place."

"oh, I obviously didn't take you as seriously as I should have then." Derek just smiled before sitting on the middle of the couch, not the armchair like Stiles thought, or even the other side of the couch, but right beside him. Stiles couldn't help the flush that spread across his face. 

"So lets start by talking a little about each other, because you're right, talking to a complete stranger is kind of awkward." Stiles nodded. Hesitating not sure of what to share.

"Anything Stiles, what's a hobby you do?" And did that get Stiles talking.

"I  _love_ reading. Like if I could only do one thing in my life forever, it would be to read. When I was in school I won all the reading awards which to be honest was probably my biggest achievement. Though because I read instead of sleep I finished books 'too fast' some of my teachers used to think I lied about reading them all" Stiles laughed at that, it really was a funny memory, like who lies about reading its so stupid. 

"Really? What kind of teacher calls a kid a liar for reading?" Derek rolled his eyes at the thought. It was nice, Stiles definitely liked this Derek better.

"Right?! It happened in high school too, for english we had to read five books before the end of the semester and write reviews on them. I finished it in five days."

"A book a day." Derek said to himself sounding somewhat impressed.

"And she didn't believe me because and I quote 'There is no way you could this many books so quickly.' So I told her about all five books in extreme detail. She believed me then." Stiles scoffed before whispering "Stupid bitch."

"Are you reading anything now?" Stiles eyes widened in excitement.

"Divergent. OH MY GOD, I saw the movie last Tuesday and I was freaking out the whole time. It was perfection. I kinda thought it was gonna be too much like the hunger games for me so I didn't read it, but never have I wanted to read a book so badly before. I'm in the middle of the second one right now, like seriously dude, if you haven't seen or read it. Do it. So much regret if you don't." Stiles took a breath

"Sorry, uh fangirl moment.." Stiles started to scratch at his neck.

"What's a 'fangirl moment'?" 

"It's like, when you get really excited about something and talk about it with extreme enthusiasm or just make a lot of weird noise..kinda weird to explain"

"I think i've had one of those before, not the noises so much but I'm a big Doctor Who fan and-" Stiles mouth dropped open, hand dropping from his neck.

"You? Like Doctor Who?" Stiles asked incredulously 

"Yes.."

"Oh we are going to get along so well." Derek smiled.

"So I take it your a fan as well."

"Fangirl. Huge. I make the noises and everything." Stiles let out a small laugh.

They talked for a long time after that, their favourite episode, who was their favourite doctor. Dereks was nine, Stiles was ten. 

"I feel like if he was there for more than one season more people would grow to love him and his sass."

"No, did you not experience the emotions from Tennant. Doomsday. Thats all."

"yea, yea."

They talked about the different shows they liked, they liked alot of the same. Though while Derek liked sports, Stiles loathed them.

"I just don't understand, what is so special about watching someone  _else_ play a sport?"

"I don't know, it makes me feel apart of the team, if that makes any sense. I get excited when we win, pissed when we lose. But it's not like I don't enjoy playing them either."

"Huh..still don't get it." Stiles laughed, shrugging his shoulders.

They talked about music, movies, actors, they talked until Stiles stomache made and awkward noise. 

"Oh, uh," Stiles blushed before looking at his phone it was about noon, "I have been here for almost two hours, don't you have things you want to do today? I mean its suppose to be your day off right?"

"I'm also not technically on the clock so you have no time limit, besides I enjoy talking to you. Hungry?"

"You..enjoy talking to me?"

"Is that all you heard? Yes, if I didn't trust me, I'd tell you. Anyway hungry?"

"Uh oh, no not really.." Derek raised an eyebrow at the obvious lie.

"Stiles, I know you're hungry." Derek stood up and started to walk out of the room, presumably towards the kitchen.

"Coming?" Stiles stood up and walked towards the other room.

"Did you want anything in particular?" Stiles walked towards the island and pulled out a chair, taking a seat before answering.

"Um, not really no"

"You allergic to anything?" Stiles shook his head.

"Back to being uncomfortable I see." Derek looked almost disappointed. He turned and started to pull out pans and ingredients out of the fridge.

"Sorry.."

"Stiles.." Stiles remembered what Derek said about him apologizing all the time.

"sorry," His voice this time was smaller, "I mean, uh, crap.."

"Stiles, the fact that you feel the need to apologize is the problem, not that you do it. It's not like i'm offended or anything. Though you seemed to be completely open and comfortable in the other room." Derek was busying himself by cutting something up.

"I don't know, I think it was because I wasn't really worrying about anything before, we were just..talking. I enjoy talking, if that wasn't obvious."

"What are you worrying about now?" Derek really wanted to know what could cause concern, they just moved rooms.

"Nothing it's stupid.."

"Stiles."

"I don't like eating in front of people.." It was said so quietly, Stiles is amazed Derek heard him.

"Why?" Derek turned to face him, pointing the knife he was holding towards him.

"Are you one of those people that shoves food in their mouth? Cause that's really not a big deal." Stiles laughed.

"Yea, sort of," Stiles started scratching absently at him arm, "Though It's more like I have trouble eating.."

"Oh? Define trouble eating."

"Well..I," It wasn't that Stiles didn't want to tell him which was odd in and of itself, he just didn't know how.

"It's hard to explain."

"When was the last time you ate?" Derek was still preparing their food, but he looked stiff, like he was nervous for the answer.

"umm.." Stiles knew that the fact that he had to even think about it was a bad sign.

"Yesterday..morning.." Derek turned to him, a disapproving look on his face.

"Any reason?" His voice was calm, but his real question was obvious. Stiles got it all the time, he doesn't usually care what people think, but he didn't want Derek to think that.

"It's not like i'm starving myself or anything!" He spoke quickly and loudly. The worry from Dereks face lessened but was still there.

"I..forget sometimes, and I know that sounds like bullshit, but it's not. I get hungry at weird times so sometimes when I'm hungry, I can't eat, and then when I can i'm not hungry anymore so I don't. It's not healthy I know that, but It's not like I never eat." Derek knew there was more to it but left it for now. He'd tell him in time.

"Well that doesn't really explain eating in front of people but you're going to eat now so its a moot point really." Derek placed something into a pan. 

It was silent for a long time, nothing but the sounds of something sizzling in a pan and water boiling. There wasn't any tension between them, but the silence wasn't completely comfortable either. So Stiles broke it.

"So.. what are you making?" Derek noticed the nervousness in his voice, almost like he was scared to ask.

"Food." Derek didn't turn around. Just kept working, if he knew a little about this guys personality, a snarky reply was sure to happen. 

"Yes. I noticed. What  _kind_ of food?" Derek smiled a little at the reply.

"The kind you eat."

"Oh my god. Are we really playing this game right now?" He may have sounded annoyed but Derek knew better. He heard a chair push back from the table, he was about to ask where he was going, but he was suddenly beside him.

"Are you making chicken over rice?" Derek simply nodded. Trying to ignore how close Stiles was standing to him.

"It smells delicious." Derek was about to agree before he noticed a smell himself.

"You're bleeding." 

"What?" Stiles hands went to his face first but Derek just reached out to grab his wrist and hold it in front of him.

"You _really_ don't notice.." Derek spoke more to himself then anything. Stiles blushed at the sudden contact, but didn't try to pull away.

"Come with me" Derek pulled lightly on his wrist, walking to a part of the house Stiles had not seen yet.

"Look, I'm fine, it happens all the time. It's really nothing to worry about." 

The bathroom was where Derek stopped pulling him and finally dropping his wrist. Opening the cupboard he grabbed some creams and a long white bandage.

"This might sting a little bit" Derek took a cloth and wet it before kneeling infront of Stiles and pressing the cloth to the long scratches down Stile arm.

"Seriously, Derek I-" Stiles stopped his protest, from the look Derek was giving him it was going to be bandaged no if ands or buts.

"Yea, or just continue doing you're thing." 

"Stiles, you need to take care of yourself." Derek was wrapping his arm slowly. Not looking at him. Stiles answered in a soft voice.

"yea, i know." 

When Derek finished, he stood, putting everything back before turning to usher them out of the bathroom when Stiles was suddenly infront of him, hand on his chest to stop him from leaving. His face was red, it continued all the way down his neck and underneath his shirt. Derek wondered how far it went. 

"Thank you.." It was quiet, Derek almost didn't catch it, he opened his mouth but before he could reply he rushed out of the bathroom and towards the kitchen.

"Fuck.." 

Stiles walked quickly back to the kitchen to see Dereks face in his hand, shaking his head.  Stiles walked over. Right, they forgot about the food on the stove.

The chicken was black, charred, how neither of them had noticed was both amusing as well as concerning. Stiles laughed.

"Not funny Stiles." Derek went for a serious voice, but who was he kidding it was kind of funny.

"Nope. Not at all." Stiles continued to laugh despite his words.

"What do you like on your pizza?" Derek asked as he headed for the phone.

"Meat." Derek smiled before dialling.

"Got it."

_Maybe this therapy thing won't be so bad after all._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up..not the way I thought,   
> just a reminder, alot of Stiles opinions and thoughts are mine, please don't criticize them.  
> The eating and scratching thing are also things I do.  
> Constructive criticism is always welcome.
> 
> Comment, lemme know what you think :3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warnings for panic attacks and uh not caring parents(?) is that a tag? whatever  
> and.  
> FLUFFYNESS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry ive taken forever to upload, I have just been really busy, and my internet has not been working to well lately  
> But here it is :3  
> a little bit of sterek fluffiness

Stiles never thought something like this would ever happen.

Not to him anyway.

It's not that he tries to avoid it, it just never happens for him.

But it's happening now, and he doesn't have any idea what to do about it.

 

* * *

 

Stiles had to been to Derek's nine times.

 It really should have been eight, but Stiles had a minor panic attack that had him getting an extra visit to Derek's living room.

* * *

Derek was awoken around one in the morning by someone pacing.  
Normal people would have never noticed, but Derek has never been normal.

He got up and walked over to his security camera.

"..Stiles?.." He mumbled to himself.

On the screen, there was a hooded figure pacing back and forth in front of his door. He only knew it to be Stiles from the hoodie, he had recognized it from one of their previous sessions.

Derek was in front of his door in the next instant, gripping the handle, hesitant to open it.

Should he wait for a knock? How would he have known he was there? Its not like it looks like he had been awake already.

He then decided that if Stiles was here a little after one in the morning, pacing in front of his door, he probably wouldn't care.

So he opened the door.

"Stiles?" The hooded figures head popped up in surprise.

Derek could immediately recognize the signs.

He was having a panic attack.

"..D..Derek?!" Stiles eyes were red, presumably from crying and rubbing at them.

Derek waved him in.

"Stiles. Are you alright?"

Derek shut the door behind him, the sound making Stiles jump.

"um..not..I don't.." He was having trouble breathing. Gasping for breathe between each word.

Derek disappeared into his kitchen to grab a bag.

"Here, breath into this." Derek gave the bag to Stiles. Placed a hand on his back and led him to the couch, taking a seat beside him, never removing his hand.

 

After what felt like hours, but was really only a few minutes, Stiles breathing finally slowed.  
Derek reached his unoccupied hand to Stiles forehead.

"Are you feeling better now?"

Stiles nodded in response.

"Alright, now how about telling me what brought this on."

"I, uh" Stiles started to blush, hanging his head between his shoulders.

"I, uh, thought there was someone in my apartment..."

"Did you call the police?"

"No, well yes, sort of. I called my Dad."

"And i'm guessing he said you were fine or something since you're here."

"I just don't understand, he always tells me to call if there is a problem. But he just didn't care."

Stiles started to absently scratch at his arm.

"Tell me what happened. Obviously you didn't see anyone since you said 'you think', so what made you think someone was in there with you?"

Derek reached his hand out to grab Stiles wrist.

"You were doing it again."

"Sor..yea um, well I live with my buddy Scott, I told you about him right, now normally he's out til late so I'm used to being home alone.  Even growing up my Dad always worked nights so its not a new thing, but I don't know, tonight was different, Scott had already been out for a couple hours already, and at first I thought heard someone walking around, so naturally I think Scott was home, so I called out to him, but nothing, and then it was quiet again for a while before I thought I heard someone talking so I called out again, and the sound stopped. That's when I called my dad and told him what was going on. and do you know what he said to me?"

Derek shook his head.

"He told me not to bother him with these childish fears. if I cant call my dad who am I suppose to call? Cops don't always come out for a maybe. And Scott was at his girlfriends, I know its ridiculous but I didn't want to bother him with it...I didn't know where else I could go. I just didn't want to be alone."

Stiles turned away from Derek to stand.

"I'm..i'm sorry I came and bothered you so late...early? i'm okay now, ill just go home."

Derek stood after him, grabbing his shoulder.

"But you still think there might be someone in your apartment don't you? Even if it was nothing, better safe then sorry. You can stay here, Scott will be back in the morning wont he?"

Stiles nodded.

"Then just go back in the morning when you know you wont be alone. You're already here after all."

"no," Stiles pushed a little at Dereks chest giving them space, "Really, You've done more than enough for me already. Thank you. But I should go."

"Stiles. Please stay. It would make me feel better knowing you're okay."

Stiles looked up at Derek, his face full of concern.

"Uh,..sure, alright."

Derek started down a hallway to a bedroom, Stiles thought maybe a guest room, until Derek opened the door. That was definitely Dereks room. That was definitely Dereks bed, and those were definitely his clothes strewn across the floor.

"Um.."

"You can sleep in here. I will sleep on the couch."

Derek went to turn back down the hallway but Stiles caught his arm.

"Derek, no, I can sleep on the couch, really."

"Stiles, can you please accept my concern for you and just sleep in the bed?"

Stiles couldn't help the blush spreading across his face.

"Um, yea. yes, thank you."

"You're welcome."

The smile Derek put upon his face had Stiles heart speeding up.

"Goodnight, Stiles."

"G-Goodnight Derek."

* * *

Stiles has fallen in love with Derek Hale. 

And he has absolutely no idea what to do about it. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry its so short after not uploading for a while, but at least its here right?! :3
> 
> So just incase you were wondering, yes this was a real event that happened. I mean I didn't go to a therapists house, but I actually thought someone broke into my house, and I had no idea what to do i was all alone and I called my father and he really couldn't have given a shit, and it kinda got me really depressed, so like most other things that happen in my life I have decided to share it with all you wonderful internet people :3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO DARKNESS MY OLD FRIEND  
> it's been 84 years and i've decided to crawl out of the woodwork and let you fine people have some more therapist Derek.  
> Honestly i'm not even sorry because I have been having a great time in my life. i've been happy. I fell in love(it didn't work out) but still!!  
> someone commented recently and i realized I have a draft saved so i'm going to add to it and see what happens.  
> I MAKE NO PROMISES ON UPDATES  
> but here i am, take what i give ya fam

Stiles was being childish.

Getting a _stupid_ crush on his _stupid_ therapist. 

Okay, Derek was by no means stupid.

But _he_ was.

Derek was a professional. 

He would never be interested in stiles, Derek is so out of stiles league that Derek doesn't even know he's playing the game.

He's awkward, and lanky, and a 5 on his best day. He knows that, but...

It doesn't stop him from wanting.

And lord does he want.

* * *

 "Are you feeling any better after our last..talk?" Stiles was brought out of his daze by remembering he was in a session.

"Um, yea I guess, my dad doesn't think he did anything wrong, so obviously I didn't get an apology or anything," Stiles faces soured as he then whispered to himself " _Not that I ever do.."_

"Well most parents think that because they're the parent they can't  _be_ wrong, so-"

"No. Like he is never wrong. If I try to correct him on something, doesn't matter what it is, he thinks i'm calling him stupid and I just..guuh" Stiles let out a frustrated groan.

"Are you hungry?" The question seemed to catch Stiles a little off guard, but they had been talking for near two hours now.

"..yea, a little" 

"Is pasta good with you?" Derek stood and was already heading towards the kitchen, like he knew Stiles would eat anything.

He wasn't wrong.

"Pasta sounds great." Stiles got up off the couch and followed him to the kitchen, trailing him like a love sick puppy. Which he was. But he was behind Derek's back, he'd never know.

 

It was quiet as they ate. Except for Stiles' pornographic sounds he made every time he took a bite into his mouth.

He wished he could say he was doing it on purpose. Like some failed attempt at seduction. But the pasta was really just that good.

"Can you cook?" Stiles ceased his moaning.

"My mom taught me how to cook a bit when I was younger..but," Stiles trailed off lowering his head, this topic had not been broached. Derek knew, not the details, but he knew. He also knew it was better to let that conversation happen naturally instead of force it.

Derek smiled a sad smile. Stiles kept his head down.

"I mean I cooked for my dad cause his doctor was worried about his heart and stuff. So like google was my best friend, and I know how to follow instructions. Not saying I've never almost burned the house down, but i'm also not saying I didn't," Stiles winked and Derek let out a laugh.

"So you're never allowed to cook in my house is what were agreeing on right now." 

"Now that's just rude."

"So do you still cook for your dad?" The tension that had almost vanished was back. Stiles' smile fell from his face, he put his hands together in a nervous gesture.

"I do." 

"Stiles?" 

"There's something...I don't..um.." Stiles was scratching his arm again. 

"When you're ready Stiles." Derek stood up, walked around the table, grabbing gently at Stiles' arm, he flinched only slightly. 

"You're scratching again."

"....." Stiles mumbled something not even Derek could catch.

Derek rubbed his thumb over the abused area.

"..I'm..." Stiles started to pant. It was the beginning of a panic attack.

"It's okay, when you're ready," Derek reached around to embrace Stiles in a half-hug, rubbing up and down his back to calm him,

"I'm right here."

Stiles looked up at Derek, calming when he found his eyes, they reminded him of spring. It was his favourite season, his mothers too. Stiles took a breathe.

"I think.. i'm gay."

Derek didn't flinch. Didn't move away like Stiles expected. He stayed. Continuing the ministrations on his back.

"Ok." Stiles pushed away a little. 

"Ok?"

"Yes Stiles. Ok." Derek stopped his hands but he didn't let go. He knows letting go could mean a sign of rejection to some people, and Stiles didn't need that.

"Just ok?" Derek gave a half smile at the repetition.

"Yes Stiles. Just ok." Stiles relaxed. Slumped back into Derek where he continued on his back.

"Ok."

They stayed like that for a while. 

Stiles' breathing steadied, only sniffling the odd once or twice, and Derek was there.

Not saying anything. Just breathing. Just holding him. Just there.

Not even his best friend had been there. Scott said it was fine, but there was something..off, they just haven't been the same since he told him. On the surface you would never know. But it's the little things. When they sit on the couch, before they used to be almost on top of each other no care for personal space, now Scotts at least a foot away. They used to use the bathroom with the door open, when the other was in the shower. They used to share drinks and utensils for godsake. They were practically like a married couple. They were best friends.

Scotts still his best friend but..it's different now.

 

When Derek felt the tension leave the boys body, that's when he let go and grabbed Stiles plate.

"Want more pasta?"

Stiles couldn't help but laugh. It was the most earnest laugh Derek had been privilege to witness to date. Derek couldn't help but join him.

"Yea," He paused only a second to catch his breathe, "I would love some more pasta."

They continued to laugh as Derek got himself and Stiles seconds. 

The laughter only dwindling as they continued their meal.

Derek's only had one question that lingered after this whole ordeal.

_'_ _Why was it that cooking for your father brought this up?'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES INTERNET FAM WHOM I LEFT IN THE DARK FOR ALMOST 4 YEARS.  
> I AM OF THE GAY  
> well Bi.  
> but I digress.  
> The love i found myself in was with a good friend of mine, who also happens to be gay, you'd think it'd all work out, but alas we are better as friends. So sad, but true.  
> I came out to my mom late december of last, and she was God herself in loving me regardless.  
> I have not however told my dad or my brothers..because..well...yknow..  
> SO I MADE THIS CHAPTER ABOUT THAT.  
> Stiles sadly will not have such a happy turn of events...  
> OR WILL HE?!  
> check back in 4 years for an update. ;D


End file.
